It’s tempting to apologize for not being around here, or my YouTube channel, much lately. But then I remember I have a brain tumor and that my inability to adhere to my old able-bodied production schedule is never, ever coming back. I don’t like it, but I’m not really sorry about it.
So long time no write? I guess? Happy to be back.
To summarize what I didn’t cover in real time the last six weeks or so:
- I had a follow-up diagnostic mammogram that didn’t show anything of immediate concern but looked just sketchy enough that I have to go back every six months instead of 12. I find this extremely annoying. I’ve been totally over medical appointments for 3 years now.
- I completed three rounds of therapy (by phone due to Covid-19) and … the jury is still out on whether it’s working for me. The therapist is great, but therapy forces me inward where I sometimes dwell on stuff that makes the depression and anxiety kind of, well, worse. I’m not saying I’m done, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t contemplated canceling the future appointments I have on the books. Sometimes avoidance is running away, and sometimes avoidance is coping. I’m trying to suss out which one I’m doing before I quit.
- My parents stopped by just before the 4th, and we had breakfast together out on the patio sans hugs and stuff. It was good to see them, but also sad that it couldn’t just be a normal visit. I do enough venting about coronavirus and the failures we need to own as a nation on Twitter and Facebook, I’m not going to add more here. But I’m not avoiding getting political right now so people will like me. I don’t care who likes me. Especially not right now.
- This past week I had a killer migraine. Surprisingly, it had been 8 or 9 months since the last Big One. Big Ones are migraines that come with like 3-5 days of prodrome, 2-6 hours of aura, and then 36 hours of full-on migraine attack where ice-pick pain causes my shoulders to tense up so bad I end up with a pinched nerve. Fun times. I’m winding down postdrome currently and hoping that writing a quick blog post will help me dig out of the mental fog. I’m still in that fuzzy spot where the fatigue and disorientation make it hard to word. (That is not a typo.)
- This is the part where I’d probably plug my YouTube channel and talk about all the Zentangle videos I posted, but—SURPRISE!—I haven’t been able to work on those either. It started out being a motivational problem and then quickly turned into “I. LITERALLY. CAN. NOT.” I will get back to it one day, but I’m not currently making plans for practical reasons.
- I did manage to get a new Chapter of Who You Gonna Believe posted on Sunday. Yes, technically it was slated for June 30, but *points to everything I just wrote.* Chapter 16 isn’t completely Rodney-free, but it does end with me firmly planted in the Era of Dan. A much happier, lovelier time. It almost feels a little sappy to me, but maybe that’s just inevitable because everything that preceded it was my personal hell.
Anywho, if you want to read WYGB, all you gotta do is sign up to be my patron at patreon.com/EmilySuess.