For the Record

Why? He doesn’t want the job. Why doesn’t he just tell the world “I didn’t want to be responsible for all you suckers and losers anyway,” and walk away.

I wonder how many in my extended family are white supremacists. I know who the proud ones are. I wonder who the quiet ones are.

They were proudly wearing shirts glorifying Auschwitz, saying 6 million (Jews lost during the Holocaust) was not enough.

I just keep staring out the window. I haven’t seen my neighbors come out of their house. It’s winter and there’s a pandemic. But it feels creepier than that now.

They don’t hold any regard for elderly and disabled life either. No life at all, actually. They will try to kill anyone who is different. Anyone who’s frame of mind doesn’t reflect their own. But their frame of mind, their view of the world, is unstable. It changes instantaneously from moment to moment.

They tried to assassinate the Vice President and the Speaker of the House.

People, actual members of Congress, are trying to persuade us to do nothing. Tweeting that the rest of us shouldn’t stoke the fires. I keep starting to say, “I can’t believe they are” but I stop myself. I CAN believe. I just can’t find words.

Why is justice always so much slower then injustice. Why hasn’t Pence invoked the 25th? He was a mark. There was a plot to kill him.

Why is an impeachment vote forthcoming and not already behind us? “As early as next week.”

What the fuck is early about next week?

I keep trying to unsee the Capitol officer being crushed by bodies. Screaming out in pain.

Then another video, “He’s got a gun!” There’s just an arm. He fires into the mob.

Another video. Did that cop just move the barricade for them?

Another video, the cop is taking selfies with them. My god. My fucking god.

There were cops in the crowd. In on the plot. Carrying out the plan. They traveled to D.C.

We begged for them to defund the police. We begged. We begged them to see.

He smiles and waves for the camera while walking away with the lectern. Like it’s an innocent game of capture the flag and his coach is going to take him out for ice cream at Dairy Queen even though they lost the first game.

They’re chanting in unison. “Hang Mike Pence”

“Hang Mike Pence”

“Hang Mike Pence”

They patted me on the head four years ago. “Silly little girl. It won’t be that bad.”