I actually wrote what follows a few days ago and then forgot to hit publish.
I have a had a few more days to process things, and I am feeling physically and mentally better. I always prefer to feel more empowered than less, so I’ve been taking care of things that ground me instead of letting myself be swept away by grief and anxiety.
I still feel those things plenty, but they are not all-consuming.
I got all my passwords and stuff updated and easy for family to access; I got the power of attorney, healthcare directives and living and last will stuff sorted for both Dan and I; I am in the process of getting my bank accounts to be our bank accounts.
I don’t want that crap still hanging over me when I feel even less like doing it. It gives me something besides sadness and anxiety to focus on. And that’s the real kind of self-care I have recognized I need right now.
Dad had everything perfectly organized, and in the midst of our grief, we struggled trying to get things sorted for Mom anyway. We still haven’t been able to unlock his phone, and I’m pretty darn sure it’s not because he meant it to be hard.
Anyway, on Wednesday, April 21, I have an appointment with a new neuro-oncologist at Washington University (Barnes-Jewish Hospital) in St. Louis to get a second opinion and discuss what’s to come. I totally spaced out on a phone call I was supposed to have on Friday with my local oncologist here at Carle regarding what their tumor board recommends and had to reschedule that. So nothing new to report now, but check back later and I’ll probably have an update for you.