Dan keeps calling me an artist, and I keep saying all I did was follow directions. Though I guess I did exercise my artsy parts.

But guess what?! I completed Jesse Lane’s Riptide online art class this weekend. I’ve posted some process photos on Twitter and Instagram if you haven’t seen them yet but want to. I’m particularly proud of myself for sticking with the real-time instruction, because class went from 9 am to 4 pm on Saturday and Sunday. Thankfully there were lots of breaks, including an hour-long one around lunchtime each day that helped me get through. In total I spent a lot more time participating in this class than the Zentangle one in March but it was easier on me because of the built-in downtime.

Jesse walked us through his process for drawing small sections of one of his pieces. Just these two little areas took up the entirety of both days. But I sit back and think to myself, “Whoa, I did that!” It’s a good feeling. Of course I’m also thinking about all the little things I wish I’d done instead. Some of it is nitpicky self-criticism, and some of it is just acknowledging where I can improve down the road.

This class was the big thing I was hoping to get done before starting chemo again, and now that I have, I feel a little bit better about the idea of doing Temodar again. Although—don’t get me wrong—I will never enthusiastically swallow those pills. Also, my doctors still haven’t called me about when, exactly, they want me to start. I know I should probably give someone a call and ask what gives, but words can’t express how not eager I am to do that at the moment.

If you’ve never done chemo before, it might help to think about how reluctant you’d be to schedule your own root canal…and then multiply that feeling by cancer to the infinity power.

But enough about that. I want to thank everyone who’s doing kind things for me at the moment. It makes a whole lot of heartache feel manageable. From Linda, who let me have her spot in this art class, to Liz, who sent me that set of Golden Girls Pop!s, I’m grateful for everyone who’s taken a second to help cheer me up.

That also applies to everyone supporting my fundraising on GoFundMe. I’m inching closer to reaching 2% of my goal (and my goal is huge, so even 2% feels like a lot). My tweet about the campaign has been shared 86 times! However horrible I feel dealing with this cancer crap, I feel a little less like I’m doing it all alone every time someone reaches out to say they’re rooting for me.

Others have asked about alternatives to GoFundMe because the site takes a small portion of donations in fees. That doesn’t feel excessive to me, because of the platform it provides but I do also have Paypal, Venmo, and CashApp. Here’s a list of all the ways you can financially contribute if you are so inclined:

GoFundMe: https://gofund.me/9e56ec1a
PayPal: http://paypal.me/EmilySuess
Venmo: @EmilySuess
CashApp: $EmilySuess

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