Shower Thoughts. The second installment of my definitely very original series.

What would happen if “How It’s Made” did an episode on sausage?

That wasn’t Vicki Lawrence, Gilda Radner or Carol Burnett. Also the show was called Alice, not Mel’s Diner.

“I know you wanna leave me, but I refuse to let you go” is a red flag. Also, if you have to beg, you’re doing something wrong. Try being a better person first and see how that goes.

Ben & Jerry’s > Häagen-Dazs. 

People call things “crutches” like crutches are a bad thing.

Related: Tell me you’ve never had a broken leg without telling me you’ve never had a broken leg.

See also: ableism.

Before diseases had names, did everyone just call sick people fakers?

People are like, “Wow! You’ve survived 5 years with a brain tumor?” Bitch, it’s been way longer than that. February 2017 is just when the doctors finally accepted reality.

In heaven, you never have to decide what’s for dinner.

The first time someone told me I wasn’t responsible for others’ incomplete perceptions of me, it changed my life.

The reason some people struggle with work-life balance is that they think work alone is as important as the sum of everything else. It is not.