When I was on dexamethasone—the mother of all steroids—during cancer treatment, I had a Wendy’s vanilla Frosty after every treatment. But today the “Sir, this is a Wendy’s” punchline hurts different.

Back then I’d wrap up chemo and radiation in the morning and Dan would take me to get lunch. The lunch venue varied. Sometimes Chinese, sometimes burgers, sometimes waffles, sometimes chicken, but after every meal I’d ask Dan if he’d take me to get a Frosty, and he never once waivered. Despite the 40 extra pounds, bloat, and moonface I was sporting as a result of the meds.

Cancer isn’t always an impetus to weight loss, by the way. I learned that first-hand.

Steroids made me ravenously hungry. I would wake up in the middle of the night because my stomach was proverbially gnawing on my backbone. If you think Prednisone is bad for the waistline—whoooboy. Dex is going to wreck you.

On dex, I’d eat an entire pound of cashews as a snack, and then immediately eye the cupboards for my meal. I’d eat a whole package of cookies, and on the penultimate one ask what was for dinner. I couldn’t tell when I should stop eating until my stomach ached from being stretched taut with food.

So there was always room for a cold dessert on my burning mouth after Daily Treatment Lunchâ„¢. When I finished my large Wendy’s Frosty, I’d feel the pain of too-fullness and know it was time to go home and take a nap. I felt a lot of different kinds of pain then, as I do now, but Frosty pain was the only comfort pain.

Singing now: Hurts so good. C’mon, baby, make it hurt so good.

There’s a special place in my heart (and stomach) for the vanilla Frosty, even seven years later.

So naturally, that’s the flavor they replace with their far less superior seasonal flavors like peppermint, dreamsicle and strawberry. I have dutifully tried them all, but they taste fake, like the artificial flavorings they no doubt use.

I know, I know. Chocolate is the original, and it’s fine. However, if you’re weird like me, vanilla tastes otherworldly good (even the artificial stuff) and you prefer it.

I’m getting off track. The whole reason I started writing this post is because Dan wanted Wendy’s for breakfast this morning. So I ordered myself a vanilla Frosty coldbrew. Naturally our Dasher called, and as if on cue he reminded me, “Sir, this is a Wendy’s.” They have machines for two flavors, a seasonal Frosty right now, and I’m the only weirdo this side of the Mississippi who wants vanilla.

Curses!

So I got chocolate because I was pretty sure I didn’t want a dreamsicle flavored iced coffee.

[Insert barf emoji here. Please excuse me while I dry heave for a second.]

The chocolate coldbrew was delicious, though I’m pretty sure I’ll delight in any reasonable combination of caffeine, sugar, and ice right now. But it all has me wondering how much more I’d like the beverage if I could get vanilla.

Pin It on Pinterest