Low-Anxiety Zone
I’ve been trying really hard to stay positive, but today I am dealing with an IBS-D flare and back spasms. It’s taking all I’ve got to stay in the low-anxiety zone. And I’ll be frank, I am not good at it.
There are new lounging pants in my wishlist, and I will leave the rest to your imagination. Just know that it’s difficult to not be very angry at my body when it feels like it’s out to get me.
This back issue happened to me once at the hospital after a particularly long MRI. If I had to guess, I’d say I’m adjusting poorly to the new bed in addition to the usual irritable bowel shenanigans. It’s better for me, the adjustable bed, but I was used to the struggles of the old one. Now my back is being precious about it.
If the past is any indicator, the tension and immobility in my lower back will wane eventually, but until that time I’ve got my middle fingers out again. I’m exhausted by the setbacks and rotating ailments. I’m ready for some stability.
Less sucky stability though. I feel like if I don’t make that clear, I’ll end up with crap experiences on a technicality. Like when the genie takes away one of your wishes because you wish you knew what to wish for.
I know that I have a better sense of well-being when I can make room for the inconveniences of being chronically ill, but this level of meditation is new and hard. It takes time to make new habits. It’s not like I came with all this angst on day one.
Anyway, today I’m overwhelmed and need a hug, a penguin stuffie, and some peppermint tea. A little sunshine wouldn’t hurt either.