Mom, Dan, and I were discussing how much further Trump has spiraled in the last couple of days, and I started vibrating on the inside and getting cold while my gut grew three sizes in preparation for an IBS flare. So the uncertainty of the political future here in the United States is definitely an anxiety trigger for me.
It’s one reason why I have never tolerated the “both sides are the same” shtick from others. Besides it being a lie, it’s just dismissive of me. That dismissiveness causes me physical distress as a woman disabled by brain cancer.
(I’ve been pooh-poohed enough for a couple of lifetimes, thank you very much.)
But that’s not the point of this post. The point is that I was able to stop the anxiety from ramping up, and my gut is calm. It’s only been about 15 minutes. That’s a record.
The calm came after about 10 minutes of extended exhaling. Breathing exercises have never worked for me before, though I’ve tried them relentlessly for a couple years. As evidenced by my trying them again—albeit somewhat hopelessly—this morning.
Last night I watched another video on polyvagal theory. It encouraged anxiety sufferers to try breathing, which, if I’m honest slightly pissed me off. Counting out 4-7-8 or 5-5 or any of that breathwork stuff actually increased my anxiety. Because I couldn’t do it without feeling like I was drowning myself.
My lizard brain would feel the air hunger and be like “yeah, sorry, but hell no. Pretty sure you’re trying to kill me.” And my anxiety wouldn’t just not go away, but it would get worse.
Something reminded me of a video I saw years ago. A mother was teaching her extremely upset toddler to blow into her face. The caption said something like, “I can’t expect him to calm down without knowing how.”
With that image in my head, I pursed my lips like I was trying to whistle. It naturally extended my breath by metering the exhale without the need to count. The air just escaped very slowly. I played a game on my phone while continuing to breathe that way, without paying it much attention because my brain was busy trying to solve the game’s puzzle.
Probably 30 minutes passed, and I felt physically different. But I wasn’t feeling much in the way of physical symptoms to start with. That’s why I thought I’d give it another go with this morning’s unscheduled opportunity.
“Just breathe” I told myself. And I did.