Unwinding Anxiety in Practice
Unwinding Anxiety in practice is something I do when the opportunity presents itself. There’s no cramming for this life test. I resolved the anger and anxious fear triggered by my primary doctor’s recent scolding—and in record time, because of this book.
I have a new primary doctor. I realized I had a choice, and I chose not to accept the added burden of dealing with a doctor who thought I deserved an added burden.
Like usual, I wondered for too long whether I was the problem, but in examining my other doctor-patient relationships, it became obvious that no one else was sending me paternalistic messages in my patient portal.
I had to keep reminding myself, I’m not her enemy; I’m job security. But once that truth took hold…
Once I internalized the truth instead of the fear, I was able to place a phone call to a patient advocate and get things sorted out right away.
Now I have a doctor that is physically closer, afiliated with the same hospital system as my oncologist and uses the same patient portal, AND offers me appointment waitlist options by text.
Honestly, this would be better for me even if my old primary doctor was perfect.
I spent a fair amount of time writing and revising a reply to Dr Scold that I’ve opted not to send. In my experience this kind of self-defense usually carries with it the potential for another interaction. Not really looking for that, to be honest. I prefer to set firmer boundaries.
So I’m publishing my reply here as closure and therapy without including the doctor’s real name.
Might as well get a couple of ad impressions for my trouble, right?
Also—and maybe this is pessimistic—but I think I have a better chance of improving experiences if I post a review for patients than if I explain myself to Dr. Scold. I revised my initially glowing review of her online to one that also reflects my newfound discovery.
I feel good about putting this behind me and moving past the anxiety of it all. I feel good for being able to find my way out of this fear of abandonment.
Because that’s how my lizard brain interprets these things post-2014. That unless I crack the code and conform to unspoken rules or expectations, I won’t be believed by the only people who can help.
Man, fuck that noise.
The reply:
I am not new to disability, but I am new to this level of disability.
I don’t know what information didn’t get communicated on your side, but I imagine it was significant after discovering how much was missing on my side.
Your message was the first time any of the handful of people I’d communicated with at AMG had relayed any information regarding 3 to 6 month office visits for levothyroxine. In addition to being on this medication for over 25 years without such requirements, I have limits. Ignoring them comes with physical and mental consequences.
The difference between the thyroid labs ordered by you versus those ordered by my oncologist were not communicated until your paternalistic scolding.
A couple of months ago, I waited by my phone for a telehealth appointment that never happened. I considered it a forgivable oversight then but wonder now how frequently things are missed or lost in translation and then blamed on the patient.
No one ever offered even an unexplained “no” to my refill requests. Retrospectively, it feels like I was expected to intuit what everyone else was thinking.
It was insulting to have my life reduced to a “situation.” I didn’t need favors or “leniency.” I needed feasible solutions to specific needs.
Wondering where I stand with a physician requires energy I simply don’t possess. My medical anxiety, which I work to minimize, becomes overwhelming when I have to guess what other people need.
I wish you well. I will not be returning to your office for care.
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