Black Eyes and Bloody Noses
On Thursday I had physical therapy and occupational therapy reassessments. I’ll get to the best part right away: I took two short, shaky walks with a cane instead of a Rollator, assisted by Dan and the physical therapist.
Not going to lie, I was terrified and couldn’t unlock my right knee from hyperextension on the first go. But I sat down, regrouped, and tried again. I also did two stair steps a couple of days before that. And I have come to the conclusion that the biggest problem for me is mental: I am scared to the point of immobility that I will fall again.
Like I did at the primary doctor’s office a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t hurt anything, I merely crumpled like a ragdoll trying to transfer myself from wheelchair to vehicle to go home. I think it was overconfidence, which is embarrassing but in a way I can accept. My brain thought my muscles could handle it, my muscles were like, “Girl, not yet.” Long story short my doctor and a couple of nurses had to scrape me up off the parking lot.
The next day, I fell out of bed. I dropped my phone on the floor, thought, “Pfft, I can reach that,” and went for it. Friends, I could not reach that. On the relatively short way to the floor my face was like “Oooh, trash can rim!” I ended up with a bloody nose and a black eye. It looked terrible. The PTA was sympathetic and said, “You know I have to report this to your doctor.” And I thought, but didn’t say, “She knows.” I didn’t want him or anyone to treat me with kid gloves because of back-to-back mishaps. I wanted to keep going.
Since then I’ve been doing fine. Great, even. I am discharged from occupational therapy and have a couple more weeks of in-home physical therapy before I do outpatient physical therapy with weights and bars and whatnot. I’ve said this on Bluesky too, but I feel like a senior in high school: I want to go to college but I don’t want to leave my friends.
When my PT was here, she said everybody loves [my PTA] and I believe it. He’s my favorite, and even Dan was like, “What are we going to do when [your PTA] stops coming?”
Cry? I don’t know.
You guys know I have had some very serious beefs with healthcare professionals in the past. And as a result, I refuse to take shit from anyone. So when I say that [my PTA] is my favorite healthcare provider ever, you betcher ass I mean it. And I’ve encountered a lot of HCPs in the last 10 years or so. A lot.
Anyway, I will be fitted for a custom AFO brace to help with the drop foot that’s screwing up my gait. Of course the insurance company will hope I trip over their paperwork first. Sometimes the brain tumor expedites these things, and sometimes not. We’ll see.
In the meantime, a twenty-ish-year-old filling fell out yesterday, and I have an impromptu dentist visit Monday. If you’re interested in helping me with the unbudgeted costs, I’ll thankfully receive donations at PayPal.me/EmilySuess.