I had an oncology visit this morning. The MRI results came in Saturday and had me anxious. The report said the tumor showed slight growth. I don’t fear death, but I do dread me some chemo, and my mind was stuck running through all the prep and barfing in my future and internally I was screaming “no chemo!”
Basically, I was worried I’d worry and lose my progress with PT and anxiety if I had to endure treatment right now.
Turns out the radiologist was just thorough. My oncologist said it was compared to a 2022 MRI not the last one, and it wasn’t significantly bigger anyway. I don’t have to go back for an MRI for six months or see the oncologist until January.
[Insert giant exhale here.]
This was a very significant test of my progress handling anxiety. I learned two things: 1.) when things are hard, I need to up my dosage of weed, and 2.) I have made a shit-ton of progress recognizing and allowing panic attacks.
Yesterday was one of my best days in a long-ass time, and with an oncology appointment on the brink, that’s saying something.
I took a few stair steps getting to the car this morning. They weren’t as smooth as I would have liked, but I did them. That’s like twice now. Go me!
I think the AFO brace I was fitted for last week will help with that stair stuff too. My right ankle needs to feel secure so I can feel safer on my feet. That’s a few weeks out though. And I’ll keep doing what I can in the meantime while the brace is being fabricated.
That’s all. I finished the last of the apple cider gummies, so it’s time to pick a new edible to try. I’ve got pills, a snickerdoodle, and a drink mixer. Decisions, decisions!