The past four days were harder than four years of college in perceived effort. I’m not complaining—just the opposite. I’m pretty damn proud of myself.
Saturday (Day 3) was the hardest day. The second full day of webinar-ing, and I worked on a lot of tiles. Toward the end of the day, my dominant hand went pins and needles on me. My lines got really wonky, and I started getting super cranky with myself—the truest sign of my fatigue is how grumpy I am.
That’s why yesterday’s post was so short. In fact, I’m not even close to recovered, so I should probably cut this short too. Here are tiles from today:
Today was a full day of CZT training. (Yesterday was just a half day.) I started off pretty strong considering Dan had to wake me up at the buzzer this morning. Thank Gandalf I can just drop into my chair without getting dressed or eating breakfast first, because oof!
However, by lunchtime I was fading fast. I made it through nine tiles today, but my body was ready to lie down and my hand was getting shaky towards the end.
It was so worth the effort though, and I would never do so many Zentangle tiles in one day on my own. Which just shows me I am still capable of doing this at my own pace. I had been away from drawing for so long that I was having my doubts. You know how it is.
Anyway, it was a good day. Dan made sure I was fed, I liked some of my tangles, and—this huge—a wonderful friend made a donation to our GoFundMe that covered all of our moving expenses. I am so grateful to announce we are 90% funded!
I’d love to connect with you if you’re on the Mosaic App, whether yo are part of webinar 39 or not: EmilySuessCZT39
Today was the first day of CZT training. I had fun and learned some lovely stuff. But I am beat. (Drawing Zentangles is only exhausting when I’m trying to keep up.)
No spoliers of training to follow in this post. Promise. Just a recap of what I’m feeling and where my head is at.
I frequently tell myself I’m capable of doing hard things after I’ve completed something and am feeling accomplished. However, this webinar is going to be one of those experiences where I need to tell myself repeatedly during the thing to get me through. I ache from head to toe, and my brain is mush.
Sometimes sitting in a chair is incredibly difficult for me. Particularly when that chair is my desk chair. I bought it about 7 years ago off Amazon and picked affordability over comfort at the time because I was absolutely clueless about what the future held, and it is nothing short of brutal on my broken body.
But. BUT. I should sleep very well tonight. What I need to remember from now through Monday is that I can have all the ice cream I want when the the day is done.
Whether you’re completing the online CZT training right now or you’ve been on the Mosaic App for years, I’d love to connect with you there: EmilySuessCZT39
In case you haven’t seen me mention it on Twitter or otherwise heard me talking about it already, I got to speak with my oncologist (finally!) on Friday evening regarding the results of my most recent MRI. The radiologist’s report noted a “slight concern for progression” which had me a little freaked out for a bit. Well, the tumor board has recommended more “waiting and watching” of my brainstem tumor for now. So my next MRI will take place sometime in April.
The January MRI showed some change in the tumor that looked like a section of recurrence in my medulla (I talked about this briefly in my last Tangled Talk video), but because the change is so small, there is no treatment recommended at this time, especially considering I am not experiencing any new or more disabling neurological symptoms.
My doctor did say that because the recurrence is in a part of my brain that was previously treated with radiation, more radiation in that location is not an option down the road. Other treatment options, including clinical trials, would be considered if needed at some point in the future. But there’s no point in putting the treatment cart in front of the cancer horse, if you will.
So if you’re reading this update like, “What should I feel about all of this information, Emily?” I’d say feel what I feel—relieved. This thing is still slow growing, and knowing that makes it much easier to do more living and less worrying.
While I was waiting to finally speak with my doctor, I filmed and edited a couple of YouTube videos for my channel. Though I can push myself too far if I’m not careful, digging into those things keeps me distracted from anxiety and tires me out that it’s a little bit easier to sleep at night. Both videos I post are heart-themed for Valentine’s Day. (I’m trying to post some timely content to feed the masses and grow my channel.)
Zentangle Class and CZT Scholarship
In other news, I have signed up to take an online class in March from certified Zentangle teacher Holly Atwater. I already have my supplied, and I am really looking forward to it. (I’m doing the Monet 3D workshop on March 6 if you’re curious, and it looks like there are still some openings.) Since my birthday is in March, the class is a present to myself.
Another thing I did this past week was apply for a scholarship to participate in Zentangle’s upcoming CZT training. It was a little scary even just filling out the application, because committing to a multi-day anything with chronic illness can be pretty stressful. But it’s something I really want to do. I might not get a scholarship, and that’s fine, but if I do it would be nice. The one bizarre upside to Covid is that they are doing virtual training again. If travel were required, becoming a CZT would basically be out of the question.
Anyway, I’d appreciate some good luck vibes from everybody out there.