Shower Thoughts #4: Squares, Alex Jones, Weed

Shower Thoughts #4: Squares, Alex Jones, Weed

Another episode of my definitely very original Shower Thoughts series.

Life is full of nuance. All squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares.

When I’m tired and everything is spinning, I really hate this shower.

You’re sick when you’re too tired to cook. You’re really sick when you’re too tired to eat.

Fucking monkey pox can get bent. Someone else can get a vaccine. As far as I’m concerned, everyone’s contaminated. Asking my immune system to do one more thing right now is like asking an elementary school teacher if she’s got a minute.

I need to crowdsource food ideas. I’m sick of oatmeal, protein shakes, and Lunchables.

I miss feeling comfortable. Eight years feels like a long time to be in unrelenting pain.

I’m pretty sure there was a time in my life when clothes didn’t hurt.

If Alex Jones has $45 million, it’s because people bought his literal and figurative bullshit. If the consequences of telling the truth are being poor…

I was going somewhere with this.

Probably related: I’m not convinced the long arc of the moral universe even bends toward justice. Parallel lines, more like.

Oh, yeah. Roger Stone was begging for money on behalf of Alex Jones and called him a “good Christian” man. 

So much for sheep’s clothing. They’re coming at the godbots stark white and buck naked with tattoos of Richard Nixon on their backs.

At least that relentless eye blinker, Joel Osteen, goes to church.

I need to think about something happier and take some weed.

Shower Thoughts #4: Squares, Alex Jones, Weed

Shower Thoughts Episode 3

Shower Thoughts. The third installment of my definitely very original series.

I need someone to explain to me how the paint on Bob Ross’s palette never ended up on his shirt. It defies physics!

Do other people wonder how “beat the devil out of” became a cliche? It can’t be a good history.

Is Bill Barr what happens when Steve Bannon steps inside a phone booth?

I need to watch Fleabag again.

FOMO realized: I never got to try a Choco Taco.

I can do hard things, yes. But do I want to?

How am I drawn to The Arnolfini Portrait and Beetlejuice but my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving and not Halloween?

Bardcore is what happens when Postmodern Jukebox goes to a Ren Faire with a lute and a recorder.

It’s called musical ear syndrome. Mind. Blown. I should Google “cicada ear syndrome.”

Shower Thoughts #4: Squares, Alex Jones, Weed

Shower Thoughts Episode 2

Shower Thoughts. The second installment of my definitely very original series.

What would happen if “How It’s Made” did an episode on sausage?

That wasn’t Vicki Lawrence, Gilda Radner or Carol Burnett. Also the show was called Alice, not Mel’s Diner.

“I know you wanna leave me, but I refuse to let you go” is a red flag. Also, if you have to beg, you’re doing something wrong. Try being a better person first and see how that goes.

Ben & Jerry’s > Häagen-Dazs. 

People call things “crutches” like crutches are a bad thing.

Related: Tell me you’ve never had a broken leg without telling me you’ve never had a broken leg.

See also: ableism.

Before diseases had names, did everyone just call sick people fakers?

People are like, “Wow! You’ve survived 5 years with a brain tumor?” Bitch, it’s been way longer than that. February 2017 is just when the doctors finally accepted reality.

In heaven, you never have to decide what’s for dinner.

The first time someone told me I wasn’t responsible for others’ incomplete perceptions of me, it changed my life.

The reason some people struggle with work-life balance is that they think work alone is as important as the sum of everything else. It is not.

Shower Thoughts #4: Squares, Alex Jones, Weed

Shower Thoughts

Shower Thoughts. This might become a series. Or it might not. I do what I want.

I can gauge how tired I am by my reactions to insensitive comments. If a stranger on the internet makes me angry, I need to slow down. If one hurts my feelings, I need a nap.

The more you own who you are, the fewer “scandals” there are to hold over your head.

Privacy is an illusion created by not knowing what other people know about me.

Why is it so hard to find a bag of supreme pizza rolls?

Dad hated green peppers. I miss Dad.

Ouch. That’s too hot.

Why does it take 3 nanoseconds for DoorDash to take my money and 3-5 business days to refund it after they screw up?

The most insulting thing someone could say about me is that I never complain. I have so much more to lose if I keep quiet.

Radiation (adj.) burns (noun)

Radiation (noun) burns (verb)

Today I learned a narwhal’s horn is actually a tooth. This information changes nothing and everything about my life.

I used to plan showers around my life. Now I plan my life around showers.

I don’t know where I left off writing Who You Gonna Believe, and I don’t want to read my own writing to find out what the next chapter should be.

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