Dude Keeps Me In Stitches
We’re driving home from an appointment, and I check the patient app on my phone. There’s a new prescription listed. It says “suppository” in the description.
Me: Um, that new anti-nausea med I was prescribed? It’s a..uh…suppository? Doctor at the ER kind of left that bit out.
Dan: […]
Me: Don’t worry. I’m not asking you for help. I will never ask you for help with anything like that. Ever.
Dan: Heh. Heh, heh. Butt stuff.
***
I’m sitting in my nifty new recliner, which is right next to the picture window, with a view to our yard. Dan has gone outside with Boomer. Boomer is trying to goad a rabbit into chasing him.
Dan approaches the house, opens his eyes wide, and gestures obscenely with his tongue hanging out while staring at me through the window. In broad daylight.
***
Me: Going back on the dexamethasone has stopped my puking. I don’t think I’m going to take that suppository.
Dan: I made a special trip to the pharmacy. And that 4-day supply cost us $90 without insurance. Pretty sure you’re sticking something in your ass tonight, lady.
***
I’m back in my recliner. Dan’s back outside and has moved to the window on the east side of the house. I pretend not to see him, knowing he won’t quit his daylight peeping tom schtick until he sees I’m laughing. If I avoid laughing long enough, eventually the neighbors will notice.
***
That Oreo Thins Hypnotize commercial comes on for the bajillionth time while we’re watching Supernatural.
Dan: Yeah, just can’t stop picturing it.
Me: Picturing what?
Dan: This commercial. It sounds like a recording of Shaq standing in front of a truck stop urinal trying to pass a kidney stone.
***
Dan’s grabbing his keys and heading out the door for a trip to Meijer.
Dan: You need anything?
Me: Something obscenely caloric and comprised of at least 43% chocolate.
Dan: Next time, just tell me it’s Shark Week. I’ll know what to do.
Me: So we’ve moved on from calling it my Dark Passenger? OK.
