Om Mani Padme Hum (THWACK!)
To calm my nerves I’ve been listening to chants of om mani padme hum, and now I have the insatiable desire to smack myself in the head with a book. (If you know, you know.) I mean, I realize I’m dealing with different monks in different parts of the world, but my brain draws on the similarities regardless.
I was in a really bad place over the weekend—both mentally and physically. Though the appointment with my new primary went well last week, I did walk away with three new diagnoses that I just wasn’t mentally steeled for: depression (I was flagged after answering the screening questions), central spinal stenosis, and a bulging lumbar disc (evidence of both were in a recent CT report, but I intentionally stopped the careful reading after the stuff in there about my lymph nodes being mostly the same).
One could argue I should have known, but there are rules: Don’t get a mogwai wet, don’t sit in a wheelchair for two hours, and don’t give my anxiety a thought to latch onto by reading all the report details.
On top of the medical triggers, the rain was relentless. Weather changes bring changes in body physiology. Rain brought awful pain, more intense muscle weakness, and the kind of whole-body buzzing and restlessness that meant I got only a few cumulative hours of fitfully uncomfortable sleep for three nights straight.
And when I can’t sleep? Whew! I am a giant ball of anxious, cranky knots. Move over depression, Mama’s running on angry fumes again.
Today is better though. I even had a few moments this morning of painful ease. (The pain is still there, but I’m able to cope with it.)
Labs yesterday revealed that my cholesterol is super high. Annoying, but not a surprise. I go for a follow-up on Friday and I will probably elaborate more about it and other resullts then. For now I’m just glad to be pooping and over the worst of an IBS flare-up.