I Hate Making Phone Calls

I Hate Making Phone Calls

I need to make some health insurance phone calls this week, and I am dreading it. To the point I doubt whether I can do it. I sat down for an interview with myself to find out why I hate making phone calls so much.

Me: Is it because you hate the phone?

Also me: Partly. I have loathed it since my days at the city hall switchboard.

Me: Is it because it’s tedious health insurance stuff? Again?

Also me: I really would like a break.

Me: Is it because it’s physically difficult to speak?

Also me: Definitely. It’s exhausting trying to make these pipes pipe. My words are hard to understand because even my face muscles and tongue are tired. I often have to repeat myself, and it’s just physically and emotionally exhausting to be reminded how sick I am.

Me: Is it because you have brain fog and the situation and system are complex?

Also me: Fuck yes.

Me: Is it because you’ve internalized the messages that say you’re not just responsible for your health and financial situation but also to blame for it?

Also me: Also yes.

Me: Is it because you have to waste your limited energy being sick, thinking about being sick, and then you are rewarded with only the profound sense of your own mortality and an almost guaranteed promise there will be no solution, just more phone calls?

Also me: [weeping]

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