My Body is a Wonderland

My Body is a Wonderland

As anticipated, the antinuclear antibody (ANA) test results triggered oncology to refer me to rheumatology. What can I say? Chronic illness. My body is a wonderland.

I’ve been to a rheumatologist before, and that, uh, didn’t go well. So I need to be on the lookout for any signs my anxiety-prone mind is starting to spiral.

I feel hopeful and relaxed now, sure. But they don’t call it trauma because it just goes away and you’re never reminded of it again. It feels weirdly like I’m being vigilant about my tendency toward hyper-vigilance.

Sometimes it do be like that.

The doctor is in St. Louis, which I don’t like for a few reasons. I mean, St. Louis is a fine city, but I wish it were a city in Illinois.

Missouri is bass-ackwards when it comes to the political stuff, which more and more seeks to strangle what choices doctors and patients have. While it might not affect me in this particular situation, it’s the principle. And on principle, I’m pissed.

But this is not a post about that. And anyway, if you don’t already know my politics, you must be new here. (Hi! A few blog clicks should give you all the context you need.)

Back to this present medical mystery and enduring chronic illness. I suppose it doesn’t really matter if I had something rheumatological going on this whole decade, but it’s definitely a thought that’s crossing my mind. Because even the Rheumatologist from Hell™ managed to tell me there was “something autoimmune” going on back in 2014.

Not that he was the least bit curious what that might be.

Ahem. Stay on track, Emily.

So were those autoimmune findings separate from or related to the brain cancer? Getting shingles can trigger some shit, and chemo can screw up immune systems. Plus they intentionally nuked my thyroid 20 years ago. My gallbladder got sassy and now it’s gone. The last PET scan, my liver was like, “Hey, girl! Have a node! Muah!

So if it started with something autoimmune, it wouldn’t be surprising that it’s worse ten years and some-odd cancer treatments later. Right?

As I was saying, my body is a wonderland. Just not in the sexy John Mayer way. It’s more the riddle-wrapped-in-a-mystery-inside-an-enigma-that-results-in-the-atomic-bomb way.

PayPal | GoFundMe | Wishlist

Pin It on Pinterest