So, there was a tornado here in Urbana over Memorial Day weekend (nothing like Mother Nature and Lincoln Financial trying their darndest to make us homeless), and I only recently got a solid WiFi connection again. The twister, more Lincoln Financial bullshit, and the ever-present health problems that complicate my life are why I haven’t been around emilysuess.com or my YouTube channel much lately.
I did manage to post Chapter 2: You’re Wearing That? for patrons last night. So if you sponsor me there, you can read up on my sordid past while I try to sort out my life, upload a video to my channel, and just generally get back to regular updates here on the blog.
(If you’re not a Patreon supporter, you can get access to all my past, present, and future posts for a $1 pledge.)
Who knows, after you read Chapter 2 of my memoir, you just might get an inkling why I had two PTSD-style nightmares last night. Fun times!
Related to publishing my memoir, I’m really struggling to decide how to market this thing. I’ve been scouring the internet to find how other serial memoirists get their work in front of eyeballs, and so far all I’ve learned is that I’m like the only writer out there publishing a memoir this way. There are spaces designated for fiction webserials. But non-fiction? Not so much.
I guess I’ve got my work cut out for me, but that’s pretty much just a perpetual state of being for me.
WHAT IS WHO YOU GONNA BELIEVE?
Who You Gonna Believe is my memoir. It’s covers my eventful life circa 2003 to present and explores the traumas and lessons that come with being married to a self-professed compulsive liar and narcissist. (For the record, I use the word “narcissist” colloquially, not clinically. But I think a case could be made.) Then it takes a look at how those events might have maybe saved my life.
Yeah, I know.
DO YOU NAME NAMES?
No. I’ve changed most of the names and obscured certain identifying details with the sole intent of avoiding being contacted by my ex. (I’m 99% sure he still Googles himself daily, if not hourly.) Of course, people who have known me for years will know who I’m writing about. But in that case, I can’t really further defame a person who’s already publicly defamed himself.
HOW CAN I READ WHO YOU GONNA BELIEVE?
WYGB is being published serially and exclusively for my Patreon Patrons. All chapters are available on Patreon and excerpts may be available on other platforms. Update: As of December 2019, I am working hard to make WYGB available on this website. If you encounter snags here, you can always access content through patreon.com/EmilySuess.
Become a Patron!
SERIALLY? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
Chapters will be published on a monthly basis at the end of each month or as soon as I reach a new subscriber goal. For example, Chapter 1 is scheduled for release on April 30, 2019. However, if I reach 20 patrons before that date, Chapter 1 will drop early. (See the Goals section on my Patreon page for current release information.) I will make every effort to publish new content 24-48 hours after a goal is reached. However, I’m disabled and have brain cancer and hope you’ll all be understanding if I have to fudge that a little bit once or twice.
CAN I SHARE MY ACCOUNT WITH NON-PATRONS?
I think one subscriber per household is pretty fair considering you can choose what you pay, but if you want to share posts with your grandma in Tallahassee I’m not going to crap a brick. I also won’t be policing who’s paying to read and who’s found a way to read it for free. Hell, if you want to print and distribute copies for your own profit, all I ask is that you be willing to live with the guilt of stealing money from someone with brain cancer. Basically, just do what you think is fair and support me if you can, okay?
CAN I PAY TO READ THE WHOLE THING AT ONCE?
No, but not because I’m a jerk. You can’t read the whole thing at once because I’m not finished with it yet. In an ideal world this could have maybe been an option for readers, but as I mentioned previously, Lincoln Financial Group terminated my disability insurance policy unexpectedly and I had to start releasing the parts that were ready way ahead of schedule.
Then again, in an ideal world I wouldn’t have a diffuse astrocytoma on my brain stem. Just… it’s not an option. Alright? Gosh.
IS THERE A TABLE OF CONTENTS OR SOMETHING?
Yep! These regularly updated links take you to each of the original Patreon posts.
Who You Gonna Believe: Preface
Become a Patron!
Chapter 1: Triggered
Chapter 2: You’re Wearing That?
Chapter 3: Suicide is Painless
Chapter 4: Liar, Liar
Chapter 5: Back Home Again in Indiana
Chapter 6: Christian Counseling
Chapter 7: Fuck You, I Live Here
Chapter 8: Good Luck with That
Chapter 9: Corpse Pose
I packed up the memoir in a neat little Scrivener file and emailed it to Dan. It was much harder to do than I thought it would be. I know that in its current state it’s awful. It’s a first draft. I keep telling myself that. It’s a first draft. But I also know that without Dan to help me make sense of the chaos, I won’t get beyond first draft. I am well and truly stuck, incapable of even opening the file right now. (The last time I tried to take a look at it, I only got a few sentences into the first scene and cringed so hard I was practically paralyzed.)
So, yeah. Being 100 percent honest about the whole situation, I’m a little nervous Dan’s going to look over the existing manuscript and be like, “Em, this is not salvageable.” Even though my rational mind knows he wouldn’t say that even if he really did think it.
It’s weird, because I thought I was over getting apprehensive about my writing years ago. But this is different somehow. I mean, it’s not any more personal than a lot of my blog posts, and I seem to have no trouble hitting publish on these puppies! But it’s big, and it’s important, and I actually kind of need this thing to work because I’m relying on the income.
That’s a lot of pressure to put on a first attempt at a book, and I know it’s not really fair to the project or to me. But, well, here we are anyway.
I’m not sure when Dan will have a chance to look at the file. I kind of sent it at a time when I knew he’d be busy with getting-us-ready-for-winter projects. I’ll post an update after he’s had a chance to look at it though.