Brain Freeze

Brain Freeze

My anxiety is up, so I didn’t blog yesterday. It’s disabling like that. Just completely freezes my brain.

What’s got me sleepless and experiencing brain freeze currently? For starters Dan has a doctor’s appointment today, and I’ve been rolling around various topics related to paying the inevitable bill, finding him a new PCP, and getting his meds.

I have a couple of my own appointments on the horizon. The first is sorting out whether I’m going to the infectious disease doctor or not. 

I cancelled the rheumatologist already. I’m just so tired of these meaningless exertions, and I was having trouble getting someone to take me to Missouri. I mean, I don’t want to be there anyway. The fact that no one else does either just makes it easier to say no.

Then my routine oncology appointment will include scheduling an MRI. How is it time for that crap already?

I’m also concerned about making money from this website. I was replacing some Amazon links with Blick.com links (I need Amazon sometimes, but I don’t want to need it) when my mind was like, “wouldn’t it suck if you got this site making just enough to get you kicked off benefits and not enough to live off of?”

Everything about being disabled is stressful. Everything.

And those anxious thoughts preoccupy my brain so that there’s no juice left for executive function. I can’t shower and fold my clothes, let alone make the words make sense. So yesterday was useless to me.

But blogging today must mean I’m recovering, right?

I’ll do my best to hold on to that. Maybe writing down my anxieties will get me through them. Still operating on the theory that writing it down gets it into my frontal cortex, and from my frontal cortex I can get rid of it.

In cuter news there’s a turtle in the yard this morning. Ain’t he adorable?

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